Thursday, 7 September 2017

Marrying for the Purpose of Sexual Intercourse is Sexual Lust, and is Absolutely Abominable

There are many young Christians in the modern Church today who are marrying young, just to engage in sexual intercourse. That is in an of itself problematic, and anyone who does that has something wrong with him or her in and of himself or herself. Such people need to repent of their lusts, and very desire to misuse and pervert the God-given gift of sex!

Sexual desire where it is given by God is not wrong or a sin. It can indeed be good where it is desired to be used to glorify God, uncorrupted by sin. For example, it can be good where in desiring marriage and therefore family, so that one may be sanctified by God (1 Corinthians 7:12-16), live out God-given designs for man and woman (Ephesians 5:22-33), to learn to love and sacrifice one's own interests (John 13:34-35), and to learn to forgive others (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).

To marry for the purpose of sexual pleasure is the height of all hedonism, self-centred pleasure-seeking done for oneself. As such, one might say that sexual intercourse belongs in marriage, and so therefore marrying for sexual pleasure is not wrong.

However, such an argument is a false argument. It deliberates misses the issue which is the motivation for which one marries, or desires marriage, rather than whether sex outside marriage is wrong. The issue is why one has desired marriage in the first place, whether for the purpose of being sanctified, living out God's design for man and woman, learning to love sacrificially and to forgive mercifully and graciously, or whether it is just to satisfy one's own  desires which one seeks ultimately for oneself. That is what is in question.

To desire marriage for the purpose of one's own sexual gratification is itself a sin because it is to desire something outside of marriage, and then marry to satisfy that lust which is sin (Matthew 5:28). It is lust because it desires that which God has not given to oneself, being filled with covetousness, and self-centredness. It is like cutting oneself in the hand, and then seeking to bandaid it, but continuing to cut oneself in the hand, treating marriage as a 'solution' to lust, which is not a solution at all. Lust is from the heart, and can only be solved by killing the sin from the heart itself, not by engaging in marital intercourse, which although is lawful, if not obligatory (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), will not kill the sin.

It is disturbing that many young Christians in the modern Church in the west desire marriage not for pure God-glorifying purposes, but for sex. How can we know? They have no desire for children, nor to live out God-given gender roles, but are interested in only earning more money. It is typically the case where both work full-time for pursue their own careers so that they can have much disposable income, delaying having children on purpose because they are inconvenient, and simply to enjoy their lives together, without caring about anyone else, living in a self-centred way that so many immature unsanctified Christians live in . Where is the sanctification, self-sacrifice, agape love and forgiveness? 

Shame on such Christians who marry for self-gratification, and enter marriage not to be sanctified, or learn to love with agape love or to forgive!

Interesting how the lust for money and sex go together. Indeed, lust underlies both illicit desires. The love of mammon and love of lust being self-centred covetous sexual desires comes together indeed comes together.

Some unstable and ignorant Christians will undoubtedly argue that there is nothing wrong with marrying  for ultimate purpose of sex because Apostle Paul said: "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2) and "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn" (1 Corinthians 7:9). They will find all kinds of ways to twist the Scriptures, and I have encountered such unstable and ignorant people.

What Apostle Paul meant in 1 Corinthians 7:2 and 9 must be read in its proper context. The people in the church of Corinth were focusing on marriage as an ultimate goal, and losing sight of the ultimate purpose of life which is to serve and love God and love one's neighbours (Ecclesiastes 12:13; Matthew 22:36-40; Mark 12;30-31; Luke 10:27). It is saying that if one cannot abstain from falling into the sin of fornication, it is imperative that one marries so that one does not fall into sin. It is not that one should marry for the purpose of sex, but rather that one must marry so that one does not fall into sin in the first place. 

As such, marriage for such believers is a safety net which is needed to protect the believer from falling into the deep pit of sexual sin, the diametric opposite of using marriage to gratify one's own lusts for oneself. Marriage in God's eyes is clearly not for the purpose of gratifying one's own self-centred lusts, as indicated by 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 which indicates that each spouse must, not can or should, but must sacrifice one's own body for the other. 

Self-centred lusts can and does occur within marriage. It manifests in sexual denial where one wants control over one's own body, rejecting sex where it is not pleasurable for oneself, and accepting it only when it is pleasurable for oneself. That is not only lust, but a misuse and perversion of sex, in hating it when it is not pleasurable for oneself, loving it only when pleasurable for oneself, and therefore despising one's spouse. Indeed, this is the norm for many Christian marriages today, which is really an indictment of those spouses who seek sex only for their own pleasure, and not for their spouses' pleasure. 

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is therefore consistent with the view that marriage is for the purpose of learning to love sacrificially on part of both the husband and wife, not just the husband as so many Christians wrongly think. 

Many people in the west are fornicating, or in the case of the modern western Church, marrying for sex, but when they marry, they have all kinds of problems in their sexual relationship. Why? They have the wrong mindset in the first place in relation to sex, by thinking it is for their own self-gratification, when it is really designed by God to be totally and absolutely sacrificial. 

Those who are engaging in sexual denial within marriage, or seeking it within marriage only for their own pleasure and not for the other spouse, need to repent. Those who are seeking to marry just for sexual intercourse need to repent, and rather, learn to seek marriage for the purpose of being sanctified, living out God-given gender roles, and learning to love sacrificially and forgive.