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The Character of a Real Woman

The essence of a real woman is one who knows God's purpose for her life. She is one who is kind, wise and strong. Many in hyper-conservative Christian circles think that the ideal woman, or the real woman, who exemplifies the paragon of virtue is one who is supposedly 'truly liberated' from the feminist lifestyle of working and 'coming home to an empty house', by being domesticated, that is a woman who is married, has children, stays home and not university educated. But what they really mean is that the ideal woman is one who is weak, oppressed, and to be relegated to obscurity. 

To be clear, it is not wrong to be married, have children, stay home and not be university educated. Nor are these characteristics signs of oppression of women. What I am saying, however, is that that is the lifestyle that hyper-conservatives seek to impose on women for the purpose of making her weak, subtly oppressed by coercing her to marry as young as possible, and threatening to destroy all social support for her, if she does not end up marrying, and of course, relegating her to obscurity. 

This has created the false impression that Christianity oppresses women because of how hyper-conservative evangelicals are purporting to practise Scriptural commands - by reducing her purpose and value to be about only marrying, child-bearing and house-keeping. Worse still, they twist Scriptures to justify their subtle oppression of women in the Church by the legalistic fundamentalism, and attack anyone who does not have the exact same lifestyle as them, even those who aspire to follow their prescribed path but have not been able to by circumstance, blaming their circumstances on their sin. This is plainly wrong, unfair, and offensive.

Some have reacted to this hyper-conservative oppression by pursuing a feminist lifestyle of self-fulfillment and so-called "sexual liberation". That is an abomination. But neither is this hyper-conservative evangelical prescription for young woman good. Both sides are extreme and absolutely wrong, despite being radically different and hostile towards each other. What both have in common is that they do not know what is a woman's true God-given purpose and how is she to pursue it.

The radical feminist extreme, as wrong and diabolical as they are, still knows deep down inside that God has created women to do great things as much as men are. For feminists are still human beings created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Indeed, human beings are all created to do great things for God! How sad it is when people fail to fulfill their purpose in God. They are also right that life is not all about marriage and family, and that a woman should not be oppressed or bullied, just because she is single and childless. 

The hyper-conservative extreme is right in affirming that "sexual liberation" is not liberation, but sexual bondage, and that a lifestyle of pursuing self-fulfillment is wrong. One is to pursue one's purpose in life in accordance to the Will of God. Where they are wrong is that they think that a person, especially a woman, must marry and have a family to do the Will of God. Some even think that one must be married and have a family to receive Salvation! What error!

Both the anti-marriage and anti-family extremism of the radical feminists, and the legalistic extremism of the hyper-conservative evangelicals are wrong, leading to a wrong view about the purpose of woman and how to fulfill her purpose. Each of these wrong views is manifested in those who adhere to these views. 

The radical feminist is aggressive, macho, proud of her independence and hostile towards marriage and family, in particular, the traditional woman who is married with children, and who does not work. She proudly despises such a woman, and is all of a sudden 'pro-marriage' when she finally ends up marrying a man, only to end up divorced or unhappily married a few years after marriage. 

On the other hand, the hyper-conservative evangelical woman is more deceptive about what she wants. Though she may claim to be anti-feminist, most of them are feminists deep down inside, in that they want to 'have it all' - an excellent romantic marriage, a family who cares for them and love them, and rewarding career. They are just as under the spirit of feminism as much as the more blunt, more honest radical feminists are who do not pretend that they want marriage and children and who do not pretend that they can 'have it all'. 

This all makes the hyper-conservative evangelical woman all the more dangerous. She seeks to marry young, often marrying a man to use him for sex and money. Despite all he does for her, she is often lazy in bearing children and doing housework as she should. 

Many of these women only want children when she 'feels' like it, after she has experienced enough pleasure in her first five to ten years of marriage - indulging in endless lust-driven sex and other sexual perversions, even bullying her husband into performing perverted sex acts on her, spending much of her husband's money on unnecessary luxury goods that she won't even use, and of course, working on her useless corporate career where she can make money in a relatively easy job. 

She typically only wants to have children to compete with other women, to show that she 'has it all', not because she truly loves children, despite her virtuous veneer. She often also wants to have her own job, to show her 'independence', by running a so-called 'women's ministry' whereby she writes useless foolish books, that are totally wrong in their doctrine, vacuous, or stupid, just to show that she has a so-called "career". What's more, many such so-called evangelicals who are hyper-conservative have fornicated before marriage or are secretly practising sexual perversion within marriage. So much for their 'holy and righteous' veneer.

While both extremes are very different in their thinking, they are the same in that that they have no real sense of purpose as women. They are ultimately insecure about their identity as women and do not like being women. This explains why they are so sensitive to alleged discrimination against women in the case of the feminists, or a lack of traditionalism in women in the case of the hyper-conservative evangelicals. Owing to their lack of purpose, they are not and neither can they be caring, wise and strong women. Rather, they are self-centred, foolish and weak women who do not even know it.

The characteristics of a real woman will be examined as follows:

1.  Caring

Genesis 2:18 says: "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." 

Indeed! God created women to be the helper of man. A real woman embraces her role as a helper. She does not seek to hinder, undermine, or manipulate others as many women do. Being a real woman is about the character of the heart, not one's social role, calling, vocation or education. A caring character is a powerful one, and such power emanates from the person himself or herself. 

A real woman rejects a self-serving life and seeks to devote herself to serving God and serving others. She actively seeks to be a help, not harm. Living such a life is not determined by whether she lives a hyper-conservative lifestyle in rushing to marrying as young as possible, and then having as many children as possible, dressing up conservatively like a Puritan, and demonising education and the use of the intellect.

She seeks to serve God in all that she does. She is of excellent character that stands out.

2. Wise

The real woman is wise, not foolish. She is not easily swayed by popular trends, nor popular ideas and ideologies. She is not vain, focused only on outward beauty. For she is not a silly woman (2 Timothy 3:6) who lives for her own pleasure. She is one who is not easily fooled.

 She does not strive for independence from God as Eve did in taking the Forbidden Fruit (Genesis 3:6). She opposes the whole idea of 'women's liberation', not because she is 'weak' or 'silly' as people often think, but because she is upright. 

'Women's liberation' started in the Garden of Eden , not the twentieth-century when Eve first conceived of taking the Forbidden Fruit, which was the height of rebellion against God. In doing she, she is usurping the authority of Adam, by denying his authority over her. She is not 'strong' in doing so, as many in modern Western or Westernised societies think, but is foolish as well as weak. 

She may or may not be university educated, depending on her calling. She excels in whatever she does, including that which is not traditionally expected of women, all for the glory of God, for the purpose of serving God and serving others.

3. Strong



The real woman emanates strength, not of the type that feminist society praises or cheers on. It is a real and unique strength that captives those around her, even those who are not Christians. 


Unlike the worldly woman, her strength does not come from dominating, manipulating, bullying or intimidating others. Nor does it come from her worldly knowledge. Instead, it comes from her character that is full of kindness and wisdom. 

She despises the Jezebel spirit which is absolutely diabolical, because she is full of moral strength, not weakness. She has a good spirit, one that is kind, lovely, and gentle, that seeks to do good, not a bad spirit that is self-centred, deceptive, and subtly manipulative, that seeks to harm.

In spite of all the hatred that the worldly woman has towards her for having a good spirit, she stands her ground in adhering to right beliefs, views and thinking. 


The real woman is a woman who is virtuous in all ways. She has a real sense of purpose, and does not chase after that which is foolish or vain, and able to exercise dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:26-28). She is wise, not foolish, strong not weak as both feminists, deliberately, and hyper-conservative evangelicals, inadvertently, portray her. Above all, she pursues her God-given purpose.

















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